7:35 AM: Second alarm goes off. Snooze.
7:40 AM: (This is the absolute latest that I have to be up by.) Reach over, RE-SET alarm for another 5 minutes.
7:45 AM: Alarm goes off. Snooze.
7:53 AM: Very nearly turn off alarm and go back to sleep. Lay in a stupor pondering a weird dream I had involving Barbara Walters.
7:59 AM: OH SHIT IT'S 7:59 AM. FUCK FUCK FUCK I HATE MYSELF.
8:00 AM: Turn on Morning Joe. Good morning, Mika! Hello, Joe.
8:00 AM: Hear Mika say, "It's 8:00 on the East Coast. Time to get up!" Fuck you, Mika.
8:01 AM: Make the executive decision not to wash my hair, even though I have woken up with the worst case of bedhead I have ever encountered in my 27 years. My cowlick is literally sticking out from my head at an angle I've only ever seen in trigonometry class.
8:08 AM: Done showering. Black pants! Sweater! DONE!
8:09 AM: This sweater is wrinkled. Where is my steamer doohickey?
8:12 AM: NO SERIOUSLY, WHERE IS MY DOOHICKEY?
8:13 AM: Okay, green sweater instead. Perfect.
8:13 AM: Oh god, what happened to this sweater? No doohickey in the world can save this sweater. Brown sweater back on.
8:14 AM: Make coffee. Construct lies why your brown sweater is so wrinkled in case anyone at work asks. Pray that the heat of your body will somehow work as a natural iron and smooth the wrinkles.
8:15 AM: Okay, hair. How about a fun messy bun? Stylish yet casual! Elegant yet laid-back!
8:19 AM: "Fun messy bun" looks more like "I had fun at the bar last night until I got too messy."
8:20 AM: Cowlick will not submit to hair iron, hairspray, bobby pins, mousse, or outright begging. Decide that if I wet it down it will dry flat. Cowlick, BEGONE!*
8:21 AM: Okay, all that's left is socks and shoes. Easy peasy.
8:22 AM: Should I wear snowman socks today or argyle? I feel more like argyle, but I can't find the matching purple argyle sock. Should I mismatch? Or go for snowmen?
8:22 AM: OH FOR SHIT'S SAKE PICK A PAIR OF SOCKS B.
8:23 AM: Dressed! Ready! Gonna do my makeup on the Metro! Out the door! WINNING!
*You should all know that when I arrived at my office at 9:10, my boss wasn't there yet, but my cowlick was standing vertically from my head a la Alfie.
3 comments:
Welcome to everyday of my life.
Up and out in 23 minutes. I'd kill to get out that fast. Nice work.
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhaah
mine was similar. JM was up at 4:50 to get to the airport. and I was, as well. went back to sleep by 5:30/6 but then at 7? i was like EFF. YOU. ALARMS. 7:45 I was up. my hair is... interesting today.
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