My Very Own Cake Wreck

Today, as I was perusing CakeWrecks (and I don't think that anyone in the known universe has not yet heard of this blog, but today I needed a chuckle to get me through the pre-lunch stretch), I decided to share with you my own cautionary cake wreck tale. Don't let this happen to you!

But before I can tell this story, there's one thing that you need to understand about the Little B. I must confess it; I can't keep it in any longer. It's a serious problem that I grapple with daily:

I L-O-V-E holidays.

And don't misunderstand -- I'm not talking about the spirit of togetherness, love for your fellow man, wholesome parts of the holiday. I'm not anti-wholesomeness; it's just not what gets my holiday mojo going.

No, what I love most about the holidays is the kitsch. The tchotchkes. The overtly tacky garnishes that make others turn up their nose at the season. I currently have on display, in my home, in August: rubber ducks dressed as Pilgrims, Indians and a turkey; a light-up snowman figurine that blinks red and blue; and a miniature Christmas tree, festooned with miniature garlands and a miniature gingerbread man ornament. (People, I'm Jewish. I wasn't kidding when I said that this was a serious problem.)

(Don't worry, Mom -- Hannukah gets equal footing.)

So for this past 4th of July, I decided, to no one's surprise, that I would go over the top celebrating the spirit of the holiday. I decided that I would make this cake to express all the patriotic, America-loving, butter-craving gluttony that I was feeling that day.

The only small hitch in my plan was my painfully bare cake pan stash. I had one 15x10 pan, but the recipe required a 17x12 pan. "No problem," I shrugged, "I'll just only use enough to fill the pan and throw the rest of the batter out. How ingenious!"

To my great delight, ALL the batter fit into the pan. OBVIOUSLY, I was smarter than the recipe. Clearly, I was the pinnacle of baking geniuses, on par with the masters! I smugly slid the pan into the oven and waited for the patriotic glory to bake.

It should come as no surprise to anyone that this is what happened next:


Steve came in to pick me up for the baseball game 20 minutes later to find me wild-eyed, covered in flour and frantically scooping raw batter out of the pan. The overflowing batter had cemented to the bottom of the oven and had become charred, smoking, and a probable fire and health hazard. I had the partially-cooked cake precariously balanced on my oven range as I tried to chip the burned remains out of the oven with barbecue tools. It was not one of my finer moments.

In the end (after two more scooping sessions and a thorough excavation of the oven, we wound up with flag cake, in all of its caloric goodness.

But I think next time I'll pay more attention to the directions.